The Dirty Works of Shane Levene

“... WHY DO WE HAVE NO CULTURAL HEROES… EVER ASKED YOURSELVES THAT? WHY WERE MEN LIKE ME DAMNED TO LIVE THROUGH AN AGE OF POLITICAL AND ECONOMIC STABILITY? ALL I NEEDED WAS A SMALL MOMENT OF UNREST AND I COULD HAVE BEEN A PHENOMENON. I WAITED AND I HOPED FOR SUCH UNREST MY ENTIRE LIFE. I TRIED PUTTING SPARK TO THE TINDER BUT THE TINDER WAS DAMP AND WOULD NOT EVEN CATCH SMOKE. AFTER A WHILE I REALISED THAT YOU CANNOT SPARK UNREST. THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS. UNREST WAKES YOU; YOU DO NOT WAKE UNREST. PEOPLE HAVE TRIED. PEOPLE ATTEMPTED TO EXPORT REVOLUTION AND HASTEN AN UPRISING. BUT THEY ERRED. AND I WAS LIKE THEM: SELFISH AND FOOLISH, AND SO I TRIED TOO. I TRIED TO INCITE AN UPRISING. I TOLD FOREST FOLK, WHO WERE WIPING THEIR ARSEHOLES WITH BURDOCK LEAVES, THAT THAT WAS THE HEIGHT OF CAPITALIST OPPRESSION! HOW FOOLISH I WAS; IT WAS BARELY EVEN THE BEGINNING. NOW LOOK AT ME. 30 YEARS ON AND RAVING MAD. YES, I AM ABSOLUTELY FUCKING RAVING, BUT I COULD HAVE BEEN A PHENOMENON - THE GREATEST ARTIST OF AN EPOCH. BUT THERE WAS NOTHING TO BE DONE. BELIEVE THAT WHEN I TELL IT YOU! MEN LIKE ME SUFFOCATED AND BECAME MAD IN ECONOMIC AND POLITICAL STABILITY. I TRIED RAILING MY FELLOW MEN BUT THEY WERE TERRIFIED TO LOSE THE LITTLE THEY HAD… THE LITTLE THAT WAS JUST ENOUGH TO KID THEM ON THAT THEY WERE DOING WELL AND WERE NOT MERELY WORKING THEIR WAY TO AN IMPOVERISHED DEATH. BUT THAT’S WHAT THEY GOT. THEY’RE ANGRY NOW ALRIGHT. THEY WOULD LIKE TO FIGHT NOW ALRIGHT. BUT IT’S TOO LATE: THERE IS NO FIGHT LEFT IN THEM! THEY HELPED RUIN IT FOR EVERYONE AND THEY RUINED IT FOR ME. THEY CONDEMNED ME TO BEING A RAVING LUNATIC WHEN I COULD HAVE BEEN A CULTURAL ICON. INSTEAD I BECAME A VILLAIN. A PETTY TROUBLE MAKER. A BRAWLER. I STEPPED INTO MY INSTINCTIVE ROLE AND IT COULD HAVE BEEN GREATNESS OR IT COULD HAVE BEEN THAT, AND IT WAS THAT!

 

SO NOW, HA HA, I HEAR YOU ASKING: WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THESE CULTURAL HEROES WHO WERE WAITING WITH NOTHING TO DO? WELL, I’LL TELL YOU: WE FELL! WE FELL INTO ALCOHOLISM, DRUG ADDICTION, PETTY CRIME, MADNESS AND SODOMY! THESE WERE THE WAYS WE FOUND TO EXPRESS THE STERILITY OF OUR AGE. AND THROUGH VILLAINY WE GOT A LITTLE OF THE NATURAL ACCLAIM THAT WE WERE DESTINED FOR. IT WAS ALL WE COULD DO. INDECENT EXPOSURE. OUR INTELLECTUAL REBELLION CONDENSED DOWN INTO OBSCENITY. WE HAD NO MOMENTUM PUSHING US TO FLUSH THE ROYALS OUT THEIR PALACES AND HANG THEM IN PUBLIC. AND SO WE TURNED AND FACED THEM FROM OUR LOWLY POSITIONS AND WE GAVE THEM INDECENCY, SHOWED THEM THAT THIS IS ALL THAT THEY HAD INSPIRED IN US. NATURAL ENEMIES OF THE CROWN AND COUNTRY. MORE THAN REPUBLICANS. WE WANTED MORE THAN THE REMOVAL OF A FAMILY THAT HAD EVOLVED INTO BIZARRE ECCENTRICITIES. WE STOOD AGAINST EVERYTHING THAT HONEST, HARD-WORKING, LAW- ABIDING, GOD-FEARING, FLAG-WAVING IDIOTS HELD IN HIGH REGARD. THOSE WERE OUR ENEMIES TOO. THESE WERE THE CLOWNS WHO HAD BOUGHT INTO FREE MARKETS AND FALSE PROSPERITY, WHO CAST THEIR VOTES FOR WHOEVER SAVED THEM THE MOST MONEY EACH YEAR. THESE WERE THE PEOPLE THAT WERE A COUNTERBALANCE TO MEN LIKE ME. THESE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE HELPED ROB US OF CULTURAL ICONS, WHO LEFT US THEIR SHIT TO EXPRESS OURSELVES IN. IT WAS ALL WE HAD IN APOLITICAL TIMES.

 

BUT THERE WERE SOME PEOPLE. MEN AND WOMEN LIKE ME FOUND RARE ICONS IN THE MOST UNLIKELY PLACES. BUT THESE WERE NOT WIDELY KNOWN CULTURAL HEROES, THESE WERE MEN AND WOMAN WHO WENT ABOUT THEIR BUSINESS WHILE SILENTLY UNSTITCHING THE SEAMS OF SOCIETY. THESE MEN AND WOMEN SACRIFICED EVERYTHING. THEY RUINED THEMSELVES IN REBELLION AGAINST THE SOCIAL TAILOR WHO CUTS AND SHAPES US INTO THE RIGHT FIT. THESE WERE PEOPLE JUST LIKE ME WHO WOULD HAVE BEEN DESTINED TO BECOME IDOLS IN ANY OTHER TIME. THESE WERE PEOPLE WHO THRIVED IN THE MARGINS, WHO IN THE RIGHT EPOCH WOULD HAVE SHAPED A REVOLUTION. BUT WITH NO REVOLUTION TO BE HAD THEY FELL INTO A COMMON SABOTAGE, OFTEN SELF-SABOTAGE.

 

YES, LAUGH ALL YOU LIKE, MADAM. BUT BEWARE AS YOU ARE CACKLING WITH MONSTERS! YOU SEE ME IN MY RAGS, IN MY FABRICS OF FAILURE, AND YOU LAUGH BECAUSE I AM SO BLATANTLY FAR FROM THE TOP. BUT I WANT NOTHING OF THE TOP. THAT IS WHERE THE REAL CRIMINALS RESIDE, PEOPLE WHOSE DESIRE FOR PLEASURE HAS LED THEM TO COMMIT ABHORRENT MORAL CRIMES. AND YES, I MAY ALSO BE A VILLAIN, AND I MAY HAVE GIVEN INTO THE COMFORT OF OBLIVION, BUT MY CRIMES CAN BE TRACED BACK TO A DEEP FRUSTRATION, TO THE AGONY OF STERILITY. AND I’M HERE AND I’VE PAID MY DUES AND I’M RAVING MAD BECAUSE OF IT.

 

O LET HER GO! FORGET HER. SHE IS ALSO A VICTIM OF OUR FAMINE! SHE IS JUST AS AFFECTED BY THE TIMES AS ANYONE. FORGET HER AND GATHER IN AND LISTEN AS I WANT TO TELL YOU OF THE GREAT TRAGEDY OF HAVING NO ALTAR UPON WHICH TO SACRIFICE YOURSELF. AND IT IS A TRAGEDY. BECAUSE FOR ME, FOR MEN LIKE ME WHOSE TIME NEVER CAME, WHO NEVER HAD THE RIGHT CLIMATE, IT GETS LONELY… IT GETS REAL FUCKING LONELY. FOR IN THE END, WHEN OUR BEST YEARS ARE SPENT, WE ARE LEFT WITH JUST OURSELVES, DISAPPOINTED AND RUINED BY GRANDIOSE IDEAS THAT WERE NEVER FULFILLED. YES, I’M A MAN WHOSE TIME NEVER CAME. MY TIME SHOULD HAVE BEEN PRE-WAR, NOT POST WAR. MEN LIKE ME NEED OUR FIGHT AND I NEVER GOT MINE. AND IN THE DARK, AT THE END OF HISTORY, WHEN YOU WAKE UP AND THE LIGHTS ARE OUT AND THE DISTRACTION OF TV HAS DIED DURING THE NIGHT, YOU COME FACE-TO-FACE WITH THE STARK ESTRANGEMENT OF EXISTENCE, AND OUTSIDE YOU SEE THE STARS AND THE MOON AND THE SPACE AND YOU FEEL THE ABSOLUTE TERROR OF LONELINESS - THE LONELINESS OF BEING A NOBODY IN A LOST PART OF AN EXPANDING UNIVERSE. AND IT'S WORSE THAN FAILURE. THERE IS SUCCESS AND HONOUR IN FAILURE. THERE IS HEROISM IN DEFEAT. BUT THIS IS MORE SERIOUS THAN THAT. THIS IS ABOUT THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE BEING SET WRONG AGAINST YOU. THIS IS ABOUT THE ANGUISH OF LIVING WITH YOURSELF, LIVING AT WAR WITH THE LEGEND THAT NEVER FOUND ITS EXPRESSION AND IS NOW GONE FOREVER. I AM A MAN WHO WAS BORN TO BE A MARTYR, A MAN WHO NEVER GOT HIS CAUSE. GIVE ME MY WAR! GIVE ME MY WAR! AN ENTIRE GENERATION OF YOUNG MEN AND WOMEN SCREAMED THAT AT THE NIGHT. THAT’S HOW IT WENT DOWN. WE CALLED FOR IT, BUT IT NEVER CAME AND IT WAS THE RUIN OF MANY. AND I SEE YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE, AND I HOPE YOU’LL HAVE YOUR TIME. I HOPE THE AGE IS NOT SET AGAINST YOU AS IT WAS AGAINST ME. BUT FROM HERE, FROM MY HIGH AND MIGHTY VANTAGE POINT OF RAVING MADNESS, I SEE NOTHING OUT THERE FOR YOU EITHER...”

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